If you can see me
If you can see parts of me that I cannot
Tell me so
Describe them to me
…
Are there good things that make me worthwhile?
Do I have kindness? Empathy?
Do I bring others comfort in times of strife?
I saw something on a TV show today
That sparked something in me
I felt like I recognized an old friend
That I’ve recently been trying to avoid
And I don’t mean that I’ve seen this show before
…
A lifetime of tiny burials
For lost keys to a damaged mind
And an overpowering heart
Smothered and destroyed
Or simply denied their conception
Lacking ceremony
Are resurrecting now
Zombies or ghosts
Under a new moon
Slowly clawing their way up
From soil once fallow
Now richly seeded with my fears
But fertilized by my need
These tiny deaths all
Rise from their graves today
To haunt me or save me
I can’t tell the difference
December 19 2024 – January 2, 2025
I’m above average height.
I’m a contrarian by nature.
I briefly considered a career as a long-haul truck driver.
I loved petting the cows when I would visit dairy farms with my father as a child.
I can be fiercely brave.
…
Dear 2024:
You tried to end me
You tried so hard, repeatedly
To drag me down
You severed some ties
But you didn’t expect a stronger one
To form in the wake of your destruction
You never meant to hand me
A powerful new weapon
You didn’t expect what I gained
You didn’t expect my defenses to grow
You didn’t expect how others would love me
You didn’t account for what I already had
You were sure I’d buckle under your furious onslaught
But in the end, you were caught off guard
And in the arms of those who love me
I prevailed
Dear 2025:
See above.
You’ve been warned.
December 30-31, 2024
To those who keep me afloat over waves
Who hold me close under caring watchful eyes
Who anchor my feet to soil
When all I want is to flee
But all I need is calm love
You keep my earth turning
You keep my sun rising
You keep my moon glowing
Even in the darkest pitches of nights
So here’s to you, you wonderful ones
May I grow to be even half as good
As you deserve from me
December 29–30, 2024
2024 has come and gone
As it comes to a close
I look back on it all
The joys and the woes
A year busy and full
Losses and celebrations
Successes and failures
Trials and tribulations
Planting our sticks
Through this hell of a year
One thing’s for certain
I’m so glad you were here
For M.
December 28, 2024
Our wounds cannot outgrow us…
Or can they?
Can they grow and grow and grow further
Until they eclipse us
Rendering us their mere shadow?
I want to write beyond my own head
I want to write The World Out There
All that comes out if I try
Is a tangled mess of shoelaces
Jumbled together trying to feed me a curb
A knotted mayhem trying everything they can
To break my teeth
I brave The World Out There to find
Snarled miniature tumbleweeds
Fighting to clog my windpipe
Dry and dusty threads trying so damn hard
To choke me to death
How do we describe an absent thing we’ve never fully touched
How do we uncover what will always be a mystery
How do we write what we don’t know
What we can’t know
December 27, 2024
You thief of pleasure
Comfort-robber
You shape-shifter
Grabbing and pinching
Tensing and releasing at your whim
Deceptive enough not to hurt outright
But still wrong enough to be sure I feel you
…