What rots me from the inside out
is an ocean tide on the shoreline of my love
with harsh waves that sting with brine
and undercurrents hidden below
that have drowned so many
As many times before
the dread that plagues this gray
has receded again
and the night descends over me with calm
July 22, 2026
Ebbing and flowing
Under the pull of the moon
And the heat of the sun
…
Waves still rise and fall
Anchors begin dissolving
I’m starting to drown
“If you always do what you’ve always done,
you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”
I remember hearing this from a woman
whose face and name I’ve long forgotten,
sitting a few seats away from myself
in our little circle…
The clouds roll and spill their essence
White-hot and frozen on these unkempt strands
It’s wet and strange and ignored
Half-blind in this storm I can’t see
Half-deaf in this hurricane I can’t name
….
I want to not be like this. I want to be able to accomplish and explore. I want to be able to feel real connection. I can’t connect with others. I can’t balance my life. I can’t reach goals. I can’t keep my thoughts straight. I can’t I can’t I can’t. I don’t want to be this person. My brain doesn’t work properly. I know I’m not supposed to be here. I’m not meant to be here.
Iron belongs to the earth
Stardust belongs to the void
It’s time for it all to go back
I have my assignment
I know what it calls for
I know where it belongs
My universe in soft blushes and verdant greens
Whispering hope for worth
Validating air exchanged
Caressing energy traded
Oblivious and welcoming
…
I need to go somewhere
I can’t stay here
While my husband’s in the kitchen cooking dinner
I’m calculating how many grams of rice I’ll eat
Budgeting the results of his care
Fretting over the mass I could be feeding
…
Hoping to wake refreshed
I am instead the tiny amorphous remains of a candle
That slowly burnt itself to a quiet death in the night.