What rots me from the inside out
is an ocean tide on the shoreline of my love
with harsh waves that sting with brine
and undercurrents hidden below
that have drowned so many
As many times before
the dread that plagues this gray
has receded again
and the night descends over me with calm
July 22, 2026
Dead ends still float along beside me
Vague, they crawl up my back
To rest on my shoulder…
Here, today I stayed
I stayed angry
But I stayed
…
….
I remember
It’s not a shiny little pebble
It’s a dull rock
Hard and brutal
….
Waves still rise and fall
Anchors begin dissolving
I begin to drown
I watch her pick up handfuls of my shards from the ground at her feet, over and over while parts of me are still collapsing, turning in on themselves, tearing at their frayed edges before joining the growing heaps…
I don’t feel right somehow. Like I’ve been partially scattered to four winds. Teetering on a tightrope between panic and apathy. Heart hiding in different corners. Torn beliefs. Feet on shaky ground, or maybe more like feet used to the rocking of the sea from the deck of a ship but when they step onto land the unmoving earth feels like it could never feel safe, and comfortable, and home.
The year grows tiny:
Regrettably not the last
Time I close my eyes
I’m coughing.
A heart turns over, hot.
I’m choking…
The clouds roll and spill their essence
White-hot and frozen on these unkempt strands
It’s wet and strange and ignored
Half-blind in this storm I can’t see
Half-deaf in this hurricane I can’t name
….