Some night last week, I had a dream that I can very vaguely remember just a tiny bit of. I dreamed that I admitted myself to a mental health care institution of some sort.
… With many computers… and cats.
Distant countenance
Calm façade yet further down
I can’t stop screaming
Will I be tempered in the crucible
Of this cutting new awareness,
Maybe even sharpened to a razor’s edge?
May they serve to remind my future self of the importance of perseverance, of how quickly things can change, and the value in maintaining good human connections with the right people.
Some days I get a little angry.
Some days I get a little rebellious.
I don’t know why.
Some days I get extremely angry,
almost enraged,
and I still don’t know why.
Is this really grief for the fantasy now dead,
Or is it regret for seven years tainted
With a lie I told myself?
My metaphors are odd, mismatched
My word choices are unusual, maybe nonsensical…
I became emboldened
Thinking this was it
Thinking I had the big mystery solved
I was carried by my arrogance
This is temporary.
This is temporary.
This is temporary.
Someday soon you will be able to write about happy things again.
Someday soon you will laugh, and make someone laugh, again.
Don’t give up. Don’t lose hope.
Just hang in there a little longer.
I promise, you’ll feel better.
Of course, that won’t last forever, either. You’ll be back. Nothing lasts forever. Take comfort in that.
…crawling with shallow punishments… inflicted in anger and defiance of the norm, and refusal to accept its claims.